The 2012 Application

Why we even had to apply...

 

Top Reasons that The 52 Vincents, Winners of the 2011 Rapha NE Gent's Race didn't get an automatic invite to the 2012 Race

• Only three gentlemen - what's with this Gender Balanced Team stuff ! No more neutralizing the testosterone.
• No Visible Tattoos - I told the guys it was pointless to have Rapha tattooed on their balls, since no one wants to see those photos !
• Took the race too seriously - showed up with fat tires, low gears, good brakes, and lots of long distance and climbing experience !
• Didn't take the race seriously enough - spent the day making rapture jokes !
• No grimaces - actually smiling in all the photos !
• Rode too damn fast, the videographer couldn't even catch us !
• Had too much fun !
• Showed up all the single bikes by finishing first on tandems !
• Didn't use the words, epic or sufferfest, in the ride report ! (but seriously over-used the exclamation point)
• Finished the 2011 event before the Rapture - so maybe we don't actually exist in this post-rapturous world !

Today, we bring you the Epic Avengers, a reprise of the 52 Vincents Gender-balanced team with very few visible tattoos, who have been training all winter, and even came up with a brand new theme, in hopes of getting one of the extra invites to the 2012 Rapha NE Gentleperson's Race, so we can defend our title. Come on Rapha. We want to prove it wasn't a fluke!

Defining ˈɛpɪk

Epichondriac- One who suffers from epichondria, insisting that everything that is even the least bit interesting is "EPIC!"

Epic Adventure - A long journey usually consisting of you and your best buds doing one or more of the following: Killing a large and dangerous animal, finding large amounts of weed, and discovering the lost ark. (partially borrowed from urban dictionary.)

Example - Todd killing that woodchuck with his bare hands and then eating it - fur, bones and all, really made that gent's race an epic adventure, but may have prevented us from being invited back.

Epic Fail - A mistake of such monumental proportions that it requires its own term in order to successfully point out the unfathomable shortcomings of an individual or group.

Example - Rapha not inviting the 2011 winners of NE Gent's Race back the following year was an epic fail.

It's an Election Year

Who on the team is most electable? Hmm, good question.

• The Fixer - Too young (according to the Constitution)
• Vampire Slayer - Too young and outspoken (you should have seen her reaction to our snubbing)
• The Jokester - Is Al Franken still funny? Humor and politics don't mix. Keep the funny guy funny!
• Bat Whisperer - No outspoken whacko left wing liberal like her could ever get elected...
• ShammyRocker - He's certainly diplomatic. But it is Irish Diplomacy - the ability to tell someone to go to hell and have them look forward to the journey. Lack of citizenship would have the birther's up in arms.
• Mother of Three - Well there was no such thing as democracy when I tried it on my mother, but maybe she could use that powerful mother's withering look to get Congress in line!

Favorite Cyclist

Madame Souza from Triplets of Belleville
beloved for her...

• Active Coaching Style
• Innovative Massage Techniques
• Wheel Truing Skills

We want to recognize the great woman behind every Champion!